All throughout my life, I have been bombarded with the question: "what do you want to be when you grow up?". When I was little, the relatives and authoritative figures in my life were content when I said the president, Superman, and a Jedi Knight. They reveled at my adolescent mind and told me that I could be whatever I want, and that "the sky's the limit!". Still, to this day, I am heckled by my relatives, and am frequently asked this question today; only now, the people who ask me this want a serious answer. As I think to myself, I can't help but come up with one simple answer; Who knows? I certainly don't anymore.
This junior year has been quite a long road; with many twists, turns, bumps, and forks throughout. I've experienced many "rhetorical shifts" this year such as going from being part of the "in" group to being rather socially outcasted. This caused me to fall into a rather introverted state for quite while. I couldn't understand why I was so alone, and was rather distraught by it. I always thought to myself that having time to yourself, and being by yourself in such a big world full of other people was a bad thing. I might have even cried about it once or twice; but in the end, I had some very epiphanic moments, and I "saw the light" so to speak.
With my moments of realization, I came to realize that nothing in this world will ever be perfect; nothing in this world will go perfectly your way. Things happen for a reason, and instead of moping and wasting your time complaining about things that don't go your way, go out and make something happen. Life doesn't just happen, you've gotta be the one to make it happen. As far as knowing what i want to be when i grow up, the truth is, i don't know. I don't have a clue; but, that shouldn't be a problem. This time, the time we have left before we enter the real world, this it the time for us make mistakes; to make the wrong decisions, to make mistakes, because, when it's all over, we won't have to question what we desire, we'll know what we want.
Sorry if this makes absolutely no sense Mr. P
Don't apologize. This is your truth, and it actually sounds very much like a journey that others would recognize. "many twists, turns, bumps, and forks" -- what a great phrase! Very visual.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful that you had the epiphanies you did in the last paragraph. Cling to those lessons. You don't need the "right" career, or even the "right" college. Think of it as the "right now" college/major/career. What suits you now? Follow that. See where it leads. No one ever said life is written in ink.